


Tarantula Hawk Wasp

by CoatTheBoneless



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:07:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27099331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoatTheBoneless/pseuds/CoatTheBoneless
Summary: A short philosophical meditation on nature, life, and the Tarantula Hawk Wasp. Gross, includes lots of swears, and has an nsfw ending.
Kudos: 2





	Tarantula Hawk Wasp

“Look. Everyone loves to go on and on about how wonderful and beautiful nature is. ‘Oh look at that beautiful forest! The mama cat cuddling kittens! Dolphins!’ or whatever. But nature is fuckin nasty. It's disgusting and horrifying and there’s a reason humans have put as many barriers as they have between themselves and mother nature. Walls and glass and zoo exhibits. Exhibit A: the Tarantula Hawk Wasp.

“Everyone knows at this point how fucked up the Tarantula Hawk Wasp is. Laying eggs in giant fuckoff spiders and letting their kids eat the spider alive. Objectively disturbing. The problem is that everyone treats this like some kind of outlier. Like birds don’t puke into each other’s mouths. Like cordyceps fungus don’t turn ants into zombies. Like people don’t shoot each other.

“And furthermore, don’t think for a goddamn second that a tarantula would hesitate if the roles were reversed. ‘Inject my kids into a wasp to give them a free meal when they’re born? Were the fuck do I sign!?’ If given the option, quite literally every animal under the sun would jump at that same exact chance. Look me in the eyes and tell me that if you could have your children explode out of a mountain of still-living steak, you wouldn’t immediately do it. Look me in the eyes and lie.”

“Ok that’s a little much. People are capable of nuanced thinking and compassion towards things that aren’t us. Look at pet owners! Look at ve-”

“Shut up. That’s not my point.

“The point is, people pretend nature fits into their cutesy little box. Nature doesn’t fit into anyone’s preconceived aesthetic. And nature is beautiful as fuck anyways.

“Since before the first fish crawled onto land, life has quite literally been a miracle. We’ve been looking desperately throughout the universe with the full force of our scientific resources, brainpower, and might, and we still haven’t found squat. As far as we know, life is either incredibly rare, or nonexistent. Which makes this Tarantula Wasp a goddamn treasure. And to top it all off! It happened by fuckin accident! Some primordial goop drifted together and suddenly formed a fucking Voltron of matter? The chances of that happening are absolutely astronomical! It’s like witnessing a latte un-mix itself by sheer coincidence! We’re watching a reversal of entropy that has lasted for hundreds of millions of years, flipping the bird to physics the entire time! Are you kidding me? That’s the sickest thing I’ve ever heard!

“Look at it. It’s gone through hundreds of thousands of generations to get where it is today, and it’s killing two birds with one stone by pre-hunting its kid’s first meal. It’s basically just a well-organized jumble of carbon and other stuff. The difference between this wasp and a pile of mush consisting of the same elements is negligible. But instead it's able to reproduce? And reproduce in a way that’s inspired entire movie franchises? Fantastic. Inspiring. An example that we should all follow.”

“Look man, that’s great and all but-”

“What I’m saying is you should totally stick your dick in that dead deer.”

“No.”

“Party pooper.”

**Author's Note:**

> [Find me on Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/coat-the-boneless)   
> 


End file.
